A thought occurred to me today. The knowledge of your presence in my womb brought upon an excitement for the moment we would meet you…an expectation for an expanding family and a life that would always include you…and the wonder of all the possibilities of what you would look like, how your voice would sound, what your interests and talents would be, and how our lives would be changed and blessed through our relationship with you. But every day is another day I won’t spend loving you and watching you bloom. I’ve missed out on all of it. But I wonder if all that I’ve lost might be given to me in an instant, the moment I see you and embrace you in heaven. I wonder if our relationship will be as though you never left us. Just the possibility of it is such a comforting thought.
But I suppose if that’s not how things will go I will have the rest of eternity to know you.
Honey, this world is filled with so much pain. I remember breaking down into sobs the moment I realized that your oldest brother would be born into and subjected to such a world…that even I would inevitably fail him at times. I knew that once he was no longer nestled in there I couldn’t keep him fully protected. You will never have to suffer the pain that exists in this world. You are forever safe from the hands of evil and the devastation of sin. For that I am thankful. Knowing that God’s plan for you involved a very short physical existence and yet an exponentially continual impact brings me a peace and a gratitude that no one can ever take away.
Until we see each other, my little, I will hold to that excitement and expectation…that wonder of who you are becoming while you are safely tucked in the arms of the one who knew you before the beginning of time.